MIXVIBES Dj Community old forum

In the future (let's say, 25-30 years from now), the average age of a seasoned "pro" DJ will be 14 years, three months.

The DJing craze will have gotten so out of hand that expectant couples will come up with a "DJ name" for their child before they even come up with a real name. Upon birth, after the blood and mucus have been wiped off and they have the baby crying and breathing, as they are taking it for its initial weigh-in and other measurements, a small pair of headphones will be placed on the infant so that it may be immediately innoculated with whatever genre music its parents deem to be "cool."

The title, artist, and mix name of the first song will be added to the child's birth certificate. The music will be played from an iPod which has been supplied by the friends and families of the birth parents. The Ultimate symbol of nursery status will be the type of iPod given to each baby. (Yes, Apple will still be creating the default consumer mp3 player.)

Children will receive their first mixer for their first birthday. By the age of three, they will be able to beatmatch at least five songs in a row without train-wrecking. If they cannot achieve this task, the parents will receive a notification that their child is "slow" and the children will be placed into "special" classes. They will ride special buses. The kids who are more accomplished at mixing will make fun of them.

Children will be expected to DJ their first gig, with assistance from their parents or guardians, by the age of 8. At the age of 10, kids will be required to perform at least five gigs on their own, using their own sound and light equipment. This will earn them a "DJ license."

As they reach adolescence, they will attend house parties just like their ancestors. However, at the house parties of the future, almost all of the kids at each party will be equipped with mobile MP3 mixers, harnessed with straps across the chest and back so that the mixers are always available right in front of them at waist-level. Those mixers will be connected to small but powerful shoulder-mounted mobile speakers. There will be no need for conversation; everybody will be their own DJ.

No requests accepted, or even necessary.

Among the adolescent ranks, everybody, male and female, will wear a backwards baseball cap. They will all consider artists such as Soulja Boy and (the late) Tiesto to be "classic" artists in the same way that modern-day music fans see artists like the Beatles, Led Zepplin, Elvis, James Brown, and Marvin Gaye.

Some young people will start believing that refusing to DJ is "cool." They will semi-accidentally leave their mobile mixers at home, or, in the more extreme cases, they will break them. They will sneak out to these parties with black T-shirts reading, in large white block letters, "I'M NOT A DJ." As much as the 99+% of the kids with DJ equipment will hate to admit it, the "rebels" who refuse to play music at the party will actually have a significantly higher chance of getting laid.

The most extreme rebels will have their eardrums surgically removed or glued down so that they will effectively be deafened, their way of avoiding music on a much more permanent basis. It will not become as popular as tattoos or body piercings ever were... but it will definitely be a fad.

The "non-DJs" will start to meet up and form communities. They will get together at underground parties to enjoy the silence and find new ways to creatively use their time without music. Card games and board games will become popular again. Bicycle Cards and Milton Bradley will see their stocks rise.

After several years of the "rebellion," an enterprising young man will create a new website, specifically geared towards the anti-DJ culture. It will be called nondjforums.com, and it will serve as a central point of contact for non-DJs around the world.

Its founder will go by the nickname "Dot."

The anti-DJ culture will continue on, with different individuals extolling various methods of silencing the music. Countless discussions and arguments will be held about the pros and cons of different types of insulation methods - ways to keep the ambient sound out of houses and venues. People will make new threads about how their event was "ruined" because some punk opened the wrong door or some drunken vandals broke a hole in a wall with a sledgehammer - trashing the party by allowing the music back in.

That's my vision of the future of DJing. It's probably going to be completely and utterly inaccurate. But, it was fun to write.

Badger